Week 18: Weeeeeee!

As our Chairman starts running around the house, forgetting that he needs the toilet and sucking the sparkly fairy lights into his mouth his bless little Christmas Excitement Overdrive is not just being triggered by thoughts of his bearded chubby double squeezing down the chimney, oh no.  It's also next week's start of the OFFL Cup First Round. WEEEEEEEE!

In the meantime, Johnny's Heroes slips down four places while Manager of the Week John King's Moobchester United [who scored a large 19 this week] now rest in sixth.

And Minty Colquhoun still thinks Darren Bent's got a major goal-scoring run left in him.  Sorry, couldn't keep that in.

Finally, everyone give Kate 'Duchess of Oxford' Wilson a Pity Come-Hither look. Her Botley Yellow lose 4 points.  She's not feeling great about it.

Be careful out there everyone.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0 10 186

 2 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.2  8 177

 3 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.8  0 160

 4 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.6 10 157

 5 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.5  3 156

 6 Moobchester United     John King           53.5 19 154

 7 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9 18 151

 8 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.7 14 147

 9 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          53.0 15 146

10 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  8 145

11 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0  5 134

12 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.5  3 130

13 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1  9 125

13 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5  5 125

15 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       52.4  8 124

16 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.8 11 122

17 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6 11 118

18 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2 -4  96

19 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  3  53

20 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  3  52

21 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.4  8  16

                          Week's Average Points         7

                          Total Average Points        127

Week 17: The Best Player-Name Wordplay Of The Year

Thanks to Newcastle's Demba Ba's two unlikely goals this week Malcolm Pratt is able to put his two fingers up at the rest of the league's Managers who all believed that his tenure at the top would be terminated. They're now collectively issuing an under-the-breath "Ba Humbug".

[That last bit of wordplay was donated to Studmarks by the League Leader himself]

Meanwhile, Rick Beecroft humbly collects his Manager of the Week certificate after going 'back to basics' with his training for RST-Boy - success comes in the form of a massive 24 points pushing his charges up into fourteenth alongside the mighty Real Mcdrid.

Of note too is Kate Wilson's steering of her Botley Yellow past the 100 point mark, leaving the struggling and lowly Moreton Rovers and West Vam to shuffle themselves around once more at the bottom of the table - their own particular pain is temporarily tempered by the sudden appearance of Mr Chris Walsh and his Lashings of Cheese.  Indeed, Chris finally joins us this season for the gory of the OFFL Cup.

I meant glory, obviously.

Glory.  Yes.

Talking of which, a reminder...

The OFFL Cup

First Round Groups

The bottom team of each group will be knocked out of the cup. To be played over the Christmas/New Year period 24th December to 6th January.  You still have plenty of time to make those cup-winning transfers.


Group A
FC Maalcoma
Johnny's Heroes
Olympilimps FC
Radnorshire Tigers
RST-BOY
Lashings of Cheese

Group B
Inter Milandrover
Multiple Scorgasms
Double's United
Real Mcdrid
Botley Yellow

Group C
Neil's Diamonds
It's A Snickers
Moobchester United
WWMC
West Vam

Group D
Pyeators
Irishpool
Minted
Livercoolio
Moreton Rovers

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0 17 176

 2 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.2 14 169

 3 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.8  5 160

 4 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.5 16 153

 5 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.6 17 147

 6 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  4 137

 7 Moobchester United     John King           53.5 14 135

 8 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.7  6 133

 8 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9 10 133

10 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          53.0  8 131

11 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0  8 129

12 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.5  3 127

13 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5  7 120

14 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       52.4 24 116

14 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1 10 116

16 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.8  6 111

17 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6 14 107

18 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2 11 100

19 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  3  50

20 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  0  49

21 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.4  8   8

                          Week's Average Points         9

                          Total Average Points        119

Week 16: OFFL Cup Group Stage Draw

Manager of the Week this week is Inter Milandrover's Smasher.  A mid-week-fixture-assisted 29 points nudges the current Champions up into second place alongside Neil's Diamonds.  League Leaders FC Maalcoma's numerical margin of superiority is now down to just 4 points. Will Malcolm's eleven week reign at the top of the table come to end next week?

Probably.

The OFFL Cup

First Round Groups

The bottom team of each group will be knocked out of the cup. To be played over the Christmas/New Year period 24th december to 6th January.  You still have plenty of time to make those cup-winning transfers.

Group A

--------------------

FC Maalcoma

Johnny's Heroes

Olympilimps FC

Radnorshire Tigers

RST-BOY

Group B

--------------------

Inter Milandrover

Multiple Scorgasms

Double's United

Real Mcdrid

Botley Yellow

Group C

--------------------

Neil's Diamonds

It's A Snickers

Moobchester United

WWMC

West Vam

Group D

--------------------

Pyeators

Irishpool

Minted

Livercoolio

Moreton Rovers

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0 23 159

 2 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.2 29 155

 2 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.8 26 155

 4 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.5 16 137

 5 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5 20 133

 6 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.6 23 130

 7 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.7 24 127

 8 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.5 22 124

 9 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          53.0 21 123

 9 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9 19 123

11 Moobchester United     John King           53.5 28 121

11 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0 17 121

13 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5 11 113

14 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1 14 106

15 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.8 18 105

16 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6 24  93

17 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       52.4 14  92

18 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2 11  89

19 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  2  49

20 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  4  47

                          Week's Average Points        18

                          Total Average Points        115

Week 15: Bent wishes

Happy Birthday Ms Colquhoun

Manager of the Week is current OFFL Cup holder Neil McConaghy for his team's 18pt haul, pushing Neil's Diamonds up into second place in the table.

Happy 'Special' Birthday goes to the wonderfully lovely Minty for last Sunday, yet another anniversary of your 21st Birthday. Your present? Another drop in the League table. Darren Bent wishes you all the best.

Cough.



T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0  6 136
 2 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.8 18 129
 3 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.2  8 126
 4 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.5 12 121
 5 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  9 113
 6 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.6  8 107
 7 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9  6 104
 7 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0  4 104
 9 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.7 12 103
10 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          53.0 10 102
10 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.5 12 102
10 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5  5 102

13 Moobchester United     John King           53.5  1  93
14 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1  4  92
15 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.8  6  87
16 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2  6  78
17 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       52.4  0  77
18 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  9  69
19 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  4  47
20 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  6  43


                          Week's Average Points         7
                          Total Average Points         96
---

Week 14: Won't remember it by tomorrow

Happy Birthday Mr Smears

As we leave the 9th consecutive week of FC Maalcoma's tenure at the top, we see that the Manager of the Week this week is Neil McConaghy and his Neil's Diamonds.  They score a rather large 21 points.

Last week's Highest Climbers, Real Mcdrid, become this week's Farthest Fallers, scoring -4 and falling down eight places, returning Mr McHugh to the lower echelons of the table. Meanwhile, Sarah-Jane John's Johnny's Heroes become this week's Highest Climbers by moving up six.

And finally for this missive, we at Studmarks would like to wish Manager Mike Smears a very happy birthday for this week [Thursday]. With more birthdays than anyone else in the league, we know he'll be struggling to remember it by tomorrow.  Still, we hope he has a marvellous day all the same.

If he's awake for any of it.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0 11 130

 2 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.2 16 118

 3 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.5 20 112

 4 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9 21 111

 5 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5 19 104

 6 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0  7 100

 7 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.6  7  99

 8 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9  5  98

 9 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5 15  97

10 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          53.0 11  92

10 Moobchester United     John King           53.5  6  92

12 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.7  2  91

13 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.5 14  90

14 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1 -4  88

15 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.9  5  81

16 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2  6  72

17 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       52.4  8  71

18 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  9  60

19 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  2  43

20 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4 -1  37

                          Week's Average Points         8

                          Total Average Points         89

Week 13: E.R. is no longer on T.V.

The handsome ER.  No longer on TV.

E.R. is no longer on T.V.  And by that, of course, of course, of course, we mean Edgar Rayner is no longer above Tom Vamos in the race for the wooden spoon.  And while Battling for Bottom sounds like they're a couple of bum fetishists, these managers of Moreton Rovers and West Vam respectively continue their attempts to keep up with Russ Bielby's woefully under-achieving Livercoolio.

At the other end of the table, with only 20 points separating second position from twelfth, the chasing pack are ever so gradually reeling leaders FC Maalcoma back into the fray.  Indeed, Manager of the Week this week is second place Smasher and the 16 points that the Current Champions, Inter Milandrover, notched up sees them become only the second team to pass the 100pt mark, moving up to the top of this crowd of bustling title challengers.

Highest climbers this week are seven-place hoppers, Real Mcdrid.  Manager Craig McHugh continues his sneaky upcreep by shuffling into joint sixth forcing fellow sixth-placer [and this week's lowest faller], Sarah Bingham and her Multiple Scorgasms, to budge up a bit.

First Round of the OFFL Cup is just a month away.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0  5 119
 2 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.2 16 102
 3 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.5 11  95
 4 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9  6  93
 4 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0  9  93
 6 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1 13  92
 6 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.6  3  92
 8 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9  7  90
 9 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.7  4  89
10 Moobchester United     John King           54.7  6  86

11 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  0  85
12 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5 -1  82
13 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6  2  81
14 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.5  8  76
14 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.9  4  76
16 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2  3  66
17 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       52.4  0  63
18 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  0  51
19 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  8  41
20 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  1  38


                          Week's Average Points         5
                          Total Average Points         80

Week 12: After you, Mr Rayner

Tom Vamos: "After you, Mr Rayner"

Manager of the Week this week is, AT LAST, Mike Smears.  His group of young whipper-snappers managed to turn up early to the Post Office this week and pull off a pension-busting heist worth 18 points.

Congratulations Mr Smears. Subsequently, Irishpool have leapt into fifteenth place in the table which is, after all, far betting faring than globe-trotting Tom Vamos.  His recent absence from the UK, tottering around Japan, has been a noticeable distraction. In fact, West Vam have allowed Edgar Rayner's Moreton Rovers past them, into nineteenth, leaving Mr Vamos in last place.

"After you, Mr Rayner".

How polite.

In the meantime, Malcolm Pratt's FC Maalcoma are doing all they can to let everyone else catch up by scoring -3 points this week.  Not quite sure what Mr Beecroft's excuse is however.

Play on.
                         
By the`way, those functionaries at OFFL HQ would like to officially apologise to Dave Clayton.  Three Umpa Lumpa's are dead now because of him.  Ahem.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0 -3 114
 2 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.4  7  89
 3 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        53.6 15  88
 4 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9  4  87
 5 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.2 14  86
 6 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.7 11  85
 6 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  8  85
 8 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0  2  84
 9 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5  9  83
 9 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9  9  83

11 Moobchester United     John King           54.7 10  80
12 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6  5  79
12 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1  7  79
14 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.9  0  72
15 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.5 18  68
16 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2  3  63
17 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       52.4 -3  53
18 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  5  51
19 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  5  37
20 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  0  33


                          Week's Average Points         6
                          Total Average Points         74
---