Week 11: Inside Mally's Skull

Big Mal's Skull after it had been
prised open to check for sunshine

It's cold, it's dark. And that's just Malcolm Pratt's general outlook on life, including his prospects at the start of this season. Presently, however, were you to prise open the big fella's beautiful skull you'd see a completely different disposition, sunnier say, thanks to his FC Maalcoma still sitting pretty atop the table of Fantasy. And all this because the lead Mr Pratt's men have on the rest of the field is so fat that not even a few weeks of others catching up can make much of a dent [in his lead, disposition, skull etc].

This week's Manager of the Week is Rachel Jones whose Double's United notched up 18 points to push themselves up seven points into third.  Remarkably, however, it is Sarah-Jane John's jolly Johnny's Heroes jumping highest this week. Up eight into sixth.

Other than that, furrow your brow and look at West Vam.  While the manager is away in Japland, his untillered team take a turn for the terrible.  -2 points.

Yes, minus two.

Happy Birthday Craig McHugh for Monday.  So far so good.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0  8 117
 2 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.8 15  91
 3 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9 18  83
 4 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.4 12  82
 4 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0 -1  82
 6 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5 17  77
 7 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6 12  74
 7 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.7  8  74
 7 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5  8  74
 7 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9 11  74

11 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             52.1  7  72
11 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1  5  72
11 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.9  4  72
14 Moobchester United     John King           54.7  5  70
15 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2  6  60
16 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       52.4  7  56
17 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.5 11  50
18 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  9  46
19 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7 -2  33
20 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  6  32


                          Week's Average Points         8
                          Total Average Points         69
---

Week 09 & 10: Massive Leap

Craig McHugh massively leaps six

Minted and the Pyeators make up another 4 points on Leaders Maalcoma whilst the Manager of the Week certificate this week goes to the wonderful Craig McHugh. 17 points sees his Real Mcdrid massively leap six places in the league into sixth.

Everyone look in shame at Rachel Jones. Down six.

Such a shame, such a shame.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0  9 109
 2 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0 13  83
 3 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.8 13  76
 4 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.4  6  70
 5 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.9  7  68
 6 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1 17  67
 7 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.7 13  66
 7 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5  8  66
 9 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             52.1 16  65
 9 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9  0  65
 9 Moobchester United     John King           54.7  7  65

12 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9  3  63
13 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6  6  62
14 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5 10  60
15 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2 15  54
16 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       52.4 15  49
17 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.5  6  39
18 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  6  37
19 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  1  35
20 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4 -1  26


                          Week's Average Points         8
                          Total Average Points         61

Week 08: Glass Ceilings

They must break through the glass ceiling

Dave Clayton uses another 'Manager of the Week' week to climb into fifth after a certificate grabbing 22 points were gobbled up by his Pyeators. Also this week, Malcolm Pratt's FC Maalcoma has ALREADY passed the 100-point mark with the chasing pack languishing 30+ points behind and Minty Colquhoun's Minted cruising into second.

Meanwhile, with only one male manager in the top four positions in the league, Studmarks poses the question: is it time to call upon the OFFL to bring incentives in for male managers to break through their perceived low-achieving status-ceiling in Fantasy Football? Should male-only lists be drawn up?

You're all lovely.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0 13 100
 2 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0 19  70
 3 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.1  7  65
 4 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.4 14  64
 5 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.8 22  63
 6 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.6 13  61
 7 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9  6  60
 8 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5  4  58
 8 Moobchester United     John King           54.7 14  58
10 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6  7  56

11 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.7  6  53
12 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1  6  50
12 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  5  50
14 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             52.4 18  49
15 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2 17  39
16 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       54.9 13  35
17 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  4  34
18 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.8 11  33
19 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6 19  31
20 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  6  27


                          Week's Average Points        11
                          Total Average Points         52
---

Week 07: Gripping

Gripping

Manager of the Week is Dave Clayton.  His Pyeaters scoffed a large 24 point portion.

Highest climbers this week are Neil's Diamonds as they jump up ten paces into third.

It's been a gripping week.




T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       54.8 18  87
 2 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.1  3  58
 3 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5  3  54
 3 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9 16  54
 5 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0  4  51
 6 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.4  9  50
 7 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6  7  49
 8 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.6  3  48
 9 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.9 18  47
10 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  7  45

11 Moobchester United     John King           54.7 11  44
11 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.7  9  44
13 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.8 24  41
14 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             52.4  0  31
15 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  1  30
16 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2 13  22
16 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.8  7  22
16 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       54.9 14  22
19 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4 -1  21
20 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6 -1  12


                          Week's Average Points         8
                          Total Average Points         41

Week 06: Pelaton

Malcolm Pratt's over-the-shoulder view.  Say it: "Pelaton".

What do you mean a couple of weeks behind?  How dare you?

No, YOU shut up.

Manager of the Week this week is Malcolm Pratt again. But this week his FC Maalcoma have notched up a massive 27 points to put themselves 14 points ahead of the pelaton.

And lo, a word that was unknown to Studmarks before the Olympics has been seemlessly absorbed into the OFFL vocabulary.

Pelaton.

Pelaton.

Go on, have a pop at it.  Swill it around your mouth and try it out for yourself.

Pelaton.

That's right.

Pelaton.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       54.8 27  69
 2 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.1 17  55
 3 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5  6  51
 4 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0 15  47
 5 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.6 10  45
 6 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6 12  42
 7 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.4 17  41
 8 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  5  38
 8 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9  9  38
10 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.7 11  35

11 Moobchester United     John King           54.7 13  33
12 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7  6  31
13 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7 11  29
13 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.9  8  29
15 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4 12  22
16 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.8  7  17
17 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.8  6  15
18 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  5  13
19 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2  3   9
20 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       54.9 15   8


                          Week's Average Points        10
                          Total Average Points         33

Weeks 04 & 05: Point Fine

The OFFL Rules were nailed up for all to see

Back in the old days, in spite of the Hallowed OFFL Rules being nailed to a Wittenburg Castle church door for all to see [pre-internet obviously], if a manager was to try and submit a transfer, or set of transfers, that would render his or her team illegitimate, an immediate Point Fine would be levied upon that manager's team.

Since then, and after a particularly nefarious spate of attempts to get illegal teams past Our Most Gracious Chairman, the latest technology was applied in developing the tools to make it almost impossible for a normal Homo Sapiens to come up with a wrong selection.  We're talking about the dastardly sophisticated 'SelectYourTeam' spreadsheet.

Since the widespread use of this spreadsheet tool, no manager has submitted an erroneous team.

Well, most erring errers are allowed at least one second chance at any rate.  But when that errer makes a second attempt to slip an illegality [without even the offer of a bribe] past the Chairman then it's time to warm up the wagging finger.

And this season, the digit of discipline indignantly dithers in the face of Rick Beecroft - after trying to get three Chelsea players into his team, he then changed tack and went for three Arsenal players instead.

After firstly dropping hints to 'Studmarks' journalists, the OFFL Police were on to the situation immediately.

OFFL HQ have issued an instant 30 point fine to RST-BOY, pending an appeal.  Beecroft commented "I'll have your job for this you pleb", directing his ire at a uniformed Umpa Lumpa.

The Chairman was unavailable for comment though was observed, through a thick cloud of cigar smoke, leaning back in his reclining throne with a smug grin on his chubby little face.

Manager of the Week this week is Malcolm Pratt.  He steered his sterling steers to a weekly steerage of 13 points moving his FC Maalcoma into second pace in the league.

Highest climbers are Neil McConaghy's Neil's Diamonds and Sarah Bingham's Multiple Scorgasms: both up five places.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5 -1  45

 2 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       54.8 13  42

 3 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.1  7  38

 4 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.6 12  35

 5 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  5  33

 6 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0 10  32

 7 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6  9  30

 8 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9 11  29

 9 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7  6  25

10 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.4 10  24

10 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.7  0  24

12 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       54.9  0  23

13 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.9 -2  21

14 Moobchester United     John King           54.7  2  20

15 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  3  18

16 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  7  10

16 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.8  3  10

18 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.8  6   9

19 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  7   8

20 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2 -1   6

                          Week's Average Points         5

                          Total Average Points         24

Week 03: Alun's Birthday Present

Birthday Boy [for Wednesday] Alun Edwards is again this week's Manager of the Week notching up a further 17 points for his Radnorshire Tigers and cementing his team's First Place in the League.

Well, we say 'cementing' but we actually mean 'blu-tacking to a warm wall'.

He doesn't look comfortable up there, does he?

Indeed if History is our friend, and it's never been the most pleasant of pals, we'll see the Tigers slipping down the ranks by about week 5.

Shivam Who?

Exactly.

[Happy Birthday Mr Edwards]

In other news, Rachel Jones' Double United skip up into second place while Neil's Diamonds fall down eight places.

Meanwhile, Congratulations go to Manager of the Wymondham Working Man's Club [WWMC], Steve Tierney, who has just sired another Tierney Twonk.

Have a lovely week, all.

T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5 17  46
 2 Double's United        Rachel Jones        55.0 14  31
 3 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       54.8  6  29
 4 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5 15  28
 5 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.7 12  24
 6 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.6  7  23
 6 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       54.9  0  23
 6 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.9 11  23
 9 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     54.9 12  22
10 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6  5  21
11 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7 15  19
12 Moobchester United     John King           54.7  4  18
12 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9  1  18
14 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  0  15
15 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.4 14  14
16 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2  2   7
16 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.8 -3   7
18 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         53.8  6   4
19 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  3   3
19 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.8  2   3


                          Week's Average Points         7
                          Total Average Points         18