Week 38: Clayton's Clawback

Dave Clayton Claws Back [6 points]

Dave Clayton's second place Pyeators claw back 6 points from the current OFFL leaders, and OFFL Champions, Inter Milandrover while third placers FC Maalcoma win their manager - Twitter's very own @MallyFactor - yet another Manager of the Week certificate.  That makes it 5 Manager of the Week certificates so far for Malcolm Pratt this season.

It's all 'Go' here.

Meanwhile, having leapfrogged his colleague in the table last week, Chris Walsh suffers the indignity of being immediately leapfrogged back by the previously leapfrogged colleague Russ Bielby. Leapfrogged Livercoolio leapfrog Lashings of Cheese and go up into seventeenth while Mrs Bielby's week, on the other hand, hasn't been so wonderful.  Her Johnny's Heroes fall two places after notching up the worst score of the week.

And as if you were interested, the other Real-Sense manager, Lord Rick Beecroft, bounced his infamous RST-BOY up a place into ninth.

So, no change in the top eight places overall this week, though Steve Tierney's WWMC have just reached the 400 point mark.  We thought that worthy of note, at least.

We were wrong.

Mr Tierney joins Mr Smears and Lady Colquhoun in making transfers this week.  Look at the fools they're drafting in these days, oof.

THE OFFL Cup

The Final

To be played over Week 40

Olympilimps FC [£54.2m]  v   Real Mcdrid [£54.1m]
Gavin Ward                   Craig McHugh

In the event of a draw, Real Mcdrid would win on Points per Pound difference.





T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.1 15 458
 2 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.0 21 438
 3 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       54.0 22 434
 4 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.6 17 426
 5 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      55.0 15 421
 6 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.8 15 400
 7 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          54.2 20 396
 8 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.6 20 378
 9 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       54.6 17 363
10 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9 14 361

11 Moobchester United     John King           53.5 11 356
12 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     54.1 15 334
13 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.8  8 330
14 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1 11 320
15 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.1 11 318
16 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  4 317
17 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6 14 295
18 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.6 11 293
19 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2  7 226
20 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  9 168
21 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  1  87


                          Week's Average Points        13
                          Total Average Points        339

Week 24: Mally and his lead - too big to reel in?

Trying to reel in Big Mally
proving impossible

A League desperate to reel-in its runaway leaders emits another mournful groan at the news that, in spite of only one Premiership match being played this week, Big Mally has again earned the Manager of the Week certificate by scoring an amazing 15 points.  We say 'amazing' because it was only one match from which FC Maalcoma earned these points.

Amazing.

Not only that but Mr Pratt has deemed it wise to transfer out the very player who snatched most of those points for him... Striker L Podolski ARS.  This is Fantasy Football Management at its flashiest.

We salute you.

Everyone else? Get your transfers in for the OFFL Cup matches scheduled to be played over Week 26.  That is if you're still in the competition, of course.



T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0 15 291
 2 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.2  0 266
 3 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.9  2 263
 4 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      55.0  5 247
 5 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.6  5 241
 6 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9  3 232
 7 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.8 11 222
 8 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          53.0 -8 210
 9 Moobchester United     John King           53.5 -2 203
10 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.7  3 200

11 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.4  0 197
11 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0  5 197
13 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  0 196
14 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       54.6  5 195
15 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1 -1 191
16 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  0 188
17 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.1 -4 166
18 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2  0 149
19 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  0 102
20 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.4 -4  99
21 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  0  70


                          Week's Average Points         1
                          Total Average Points        196

Week 22: Mini-Me, Big-Him

West Ham's George McCartney - not on the list

While the Chairman awaits the hatching of his latest narcissistic project - the birth of His very own Mini-Me - Manager of the Week this week is, sadly for the rest of the League, Big-Him Big Mally, Malcolm Pratt.  The Man.  The Beast.

His FC Maalcoma notched up a lead-stretching 17 points to put themselves 17 points ahead of second placers - and reigning Champions - Inter Milandrover.

Meanwhile, Dave Clayton's Pyeators are creeping up on second place themselves.  West Vam's mustering of merry music-makers maintain their melodiously meaningless  meandering, enmeshing themselves mournfully further into the mire.  We still can't believe Mr McCartney WH hasn't made it into the line-up, bass-icly.

Highest climbers this week are Craig McHugh's Real Mcdrid - up four and into joint tenth. A serious challenge for the title Mr McHugh?

You're all very lovely.

OFFL Cup Draw coming soon.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       55.0 17 266
 2 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             54.2 11 249
 3 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.9 13 239
 4 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.6 14 232
 5 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.8  9 225
 6 Double's United        Rachel Jones        53.9 10 224
 7 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          53.0 14 210
 8 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.8 12 204
 9 Moobchester United     John King           53.5  5 199
10 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.1 12 188
10 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0  7 188

12 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       53.4 10 187
13 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  8 186
13 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.7  9 186
15 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6 11 180
16 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       52.4 13 168
16 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5  5 168
18 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2  8 137
19 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  7  95
20 Lashings of Cheese     Chris Walsh         53.4 11  88
21 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  5  70


                          Week's Average Points        10
                          Total Average Points        185

Week 06: Pelaton

Malcolm Pratt's over-the-shoulder view.  Say it: "Pelaton".

What do you mean a couple of weeks behind?  How dare you?

No, YOU shut up.

Manager of the Week this week is Malcolm Pratt again. But this week his FC Maalcoma have notched up a massive 27 points to put themselves 14 points ahead of the pelaton.

And lo, a word that was unknown to Studmarks before the Olympics has been seemlessly absorbed into the OFFL vocabulary.

Pelaton.

Pelaton.

Go on, have a pop at it.  Swill it around your mouth and try it out for yourself.

Pelaton.

That's right.

Pelaton.


T h e   T a b l e
                                            Value Points
   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot
 --------------------------------------------------------
 1 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       54.8 27  69
 2 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.1 17  55
 3 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5  6  51
 4 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0 15  47
 5 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.6 10  45
 6 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6 12  42
 7 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.4 17  41
 8 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  5  38
 8 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9  9  38
10 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.7 11  35

11 Moobchester United     John King           54.7 13  33
12 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7  6  31
13 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7 11  29
13 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.9  8  29
15 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4 12  22
16 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.8  7  17
17 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.8  6  15
18 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  5  13
19 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2  3   9
20 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       54.9 15   8


                          Week's Average Points        10
                          Total Average Points         33

Weeks 04 & 05: Point Fine

The OFFL Rules were nailed up for all to see

Back in the old days, in spite of the Hallowed OFFL Rules being nailed to a Wittenburg Castle church door for all to see [pre-internet obviously], if a manager was to try and submit a transfer, or set of transfers, that would render his or her team illegitimate, an immediate Point Fine would be levied upon that manager's team.

Since then, and after a particularly nefarious spate of attempts to get illegal teams past Our Most Gracious Chairman, the latest technology was applied in developing the tools to make it almost impossible for a normal Homo Sapiens to come up with a wrong selection.  We're talking about the dastardly sophisticated 'SelectYourTeam' spreadsheet.

Since the widespread use of this spreadsheet tool, no manager has submitted an erroneous team.

Well, most erring errers are allowed at least one second chance at any rate.  But when that errer makes a second attempt to slip an illegality [without even the offer of a bribe] past the Chairman then it's time to warm up the wagging finger.

And this season, the digit of discipline indignantly dithers in the face of Rick Beecroft - after trying to get three Chelsea players into his team, he then changed tack and went for three Arsenal players instead.

After firstly dropping hints to 'Studmarks' journalists, the OFFL Police were on to the situation immediately.

OFFL HQ have issued an instant 30 point fine to RST-BOY, pending an appeal.  Beecroft commented "I'll have your job for this you pleb", directing his ire at a uniformed Umpa Lumpa.

The Chairman was unavailable for comment though was observed, through a thick cloud of cigar smoke, leaning back in his reclining throne with a smug grin on his chubby little face.

Manager of the Week this week is Malcolm Pratt.  He steered his sterling steers to a weekly steerage of 13 points moving his FC Maalcoma into second pace in the league.

Highest climbers are Neil McConaghy's Neil's Diamonds and Sarah Bingham's Multiple Scorgasms: both up five places.

T h e   T a b l e

                                            Value Points

   Team                  Manager            (GBPm)Wk Tot

 --------------------------------------------------------

 1 Radnorshire Tigers     Alun Edwards        54.5 -1  45

 2 FC Maalcoma            Malcolm Pratt       54.8 13  42

 3 Double's United        Rachel Jones        54.1  7  38

 4 WWMC                   Steve Tierney       54.6 12  35

 5 Johnny's Heroes        Sarah-Jane John     54.5  5  33

 6 Minted                 Minty Colquhoun     55.0 10  32

 7 Olympilimps FC         Gavin Ward          52.6  9  30

 8 Neil's Diamonds        Neil McConaghy      54.9 11  29

 9 Inter Milandrover      Smasher             53.7  6  25

10 Multiple Scorgasms     Sarah Bingham       54.4 10  24

10 Real Mcdrid            Craig McHugh        54.7  0  24

12 RST-BOY                Rick Beecroft       54.9  0  23

13 It's A Snickers        Ashley Keeler       54.9 -2  21

14 Moobchester United     John King           54.7  2  20

15 West Vam               Tom Vamos           43.7  3  18

16 Moreton Rovers         Edgar Rayner        51.4  7  10

16 Pyeators               Dave Clayton        54.8  3  10

18 Irishpool              Mike Smears         54.8  6   9

19 Livercoolio            Russ Bielby         54.6  7   8

20 Botley Yellow          Kate Wilson         54.2 -1   6

                          Week's Average Points         5

                          Total Average Points         24